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I love being black, but...

In lieu of all that is happening, my heart hurts. Being black is definitely a beautiful, yet traumatizing experience. As a black woman in an industry that shames women, and that has faced so many traumatic experiences at the hands of black men, I mourn not only for these tragedies, but for the lack of support I feel black women get in subjects such as police brutality, rape, and just overall treatment within our community.

People tend to call me a "male basher" because I speak out against patriarchy and how men of ALL races benefit, but I only speak from a stance of researching statistics, my own experiences and the experiences of black women around me. I speak from the truth, not emotions


I prefer to date black. I want black children and I generally relate more to black men...but I don't feel protected nor do I feel valued by a lot of them. Not every experience I have with black men is a negative one; I don't allow it, but from the things I see men say, post, and do to us is why I have to divest from putting too much energy into advocating for black MEN(not to be confused for black little boys).

Black women are the second highest statistically to get killed by our own race of men. We are more likely to get raped and kidnapped into sex trafficking. Black children have the highest rate of molestation. Yet, all these posts only speak on black men and black sons being protected when the least protected is black women and children from our own.

I will never forget the DISGUSTING things black men said to actually excuse the death of black sisters Korryn Gaines and Sandra Bland. I can't forget about the amount of black women in prison who get left by black boyfriends, husbands, and family while black male prisoners get well taken care of. I can't forget about being assaulted by black men and other black men remaining his friend. I can't forget how black men will think that other races of women who show the same characteristics as us as being better than us and treating them as such publicly. I can't forget how many times I've seen black men blatantly admit they'd "mind their business" if they seen a black woman in harm. I can't forget how many times black men have disregarded my emotions as a black woman and steady scream "they can't open up". I also can't forget that no matter how many black women get killed due to police brutality, mostly black men take over the headlines.

I struggle to see black men collectively being our ally by the way they treat us and speak about us. I have divested my efforts to black women who see the light at the end of the tunnel that want to focus on generational wealth and breaking generational curses. I treat ALL men the same by compartmentalizing and only allowing them to earn and gain my trust, but I do NOT love them collectively.

I do not mistreat black men because they are black, and I never will. But I REFUSE to pour my love, effort and energy into ANYTHING that has shown me time and time again I am not worthy of their reciprocation.

These men honor and revere Tupac and Malcolm X but don't listen to their messages of protecting the black woman. and for that, my heart-brokenness has led me to stand on the sidelines in fighting for black men, and using that energy to protect children and women. For that, I am not sorry.

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